The thing is, when I am in a relationship, I am loud about it. I show it. I can be clingy. Maybe I do too much, but it is all because I love you. When I get the chance to love, I do it warmly. I agree, sometimes I may go overboard. I spend, too. I am a spender even when I do not have too much. And of course, I also expect my partner to do the same for me.

FOLLOW US ON WHATSAPP CHANNEL TO RECEIVE ALL STORIES IN YOUR INBOX

Here is the thing.
I met this man through a school friend. He is her cousin. I saw him during the holidays and thought he was cute. I admired him, but I never thought of a relationship. We exchanged contacts. Once in a while, we would talk. Maybe during that time he caught feelings. I do not know.
When I went to campus, he proposed a relationship. I declined. I told him I had someone else. So we stayed as we were, just commenting on each other’s WhatsApp status. From my first year to my last, we sometimes communicated like that.
When I finished college and came home, I started calling him every now and then. Sometimes he would pick up; other times he would not. Sometimes he would return the calls when he wanted, and then he would start talking about giving each other a chance. I said yes. I wanted to see where it could go.
Even then, I was the one calling mostly. The one texting. I would get no replies unless he wished to respond.
When he came home three years later, we spent our first night together. I thought things would change for the better. That he would behave better. That made me believe he would be serious this time. But I lied to myself. There were still no calls unless he wanted to speak. I was still the only one reaching out. When I complained, his response was always, “Must we talk every day? You complain a lot. I don’t like people who talk too much.”
The second time he came home, he came with his car. We went out just one day before he was to leave. On our way home, he jokingly asked that I would have to give him money for fuel, or else he couldn’t go back. It sounded funny. I thought it was funny.
READ ALSO: My Boyfriend Wants Me To Marry, Bear Two Children Before I Pursue My Masters
I was working at a pharmacy and running a small side business then, so I told him I had 500 GHC I could lend him. The next day, a Sunday, while I was at work in the morning, he came for the money. It was my salary, still tucked in the envelope. He took it wholeheartedly. He didn’t bat an eye. He took it and walked away.
Even days after, we could go weeks or months without talking if I decided to be hard-headed too. I remember nights I would cry and ask God if I would ever find a kind-hearted man who would understand me. At the same time, I would tell God that if this relationship wasn’t from Him, He should scatter it.
Just when I decided that I was going to give up, he would notice it and wake the beautiful feeling in my belly for him, and I would just overlook his attitude toward me.
It was his birthday in July, so I asked a friend to deliver a surprise to him at his workplace. I knew he loved it from how happy he sounded. Later, we planned my first visit to his place for September. Around that time, I had started my national service. The day came, and I left.
You would think that he would treat me better, but no. We hardly spoke. We were in the same room as boyfriend and girlfriend, and this boy would not mind me. We ate separately. We slept separately. It remained like that for two weeks, until I came back. I remember how I would have starved if he hadn’t given me money for food. He had told me he was having financial troubles before I visited. I clearly asked if we should reschedule. He said no. He said he wanted me to come and feel what he was feeling. I took it in good faith.
Even on my way back home, he never called to check on me. Not until I was almost there, then he sent a text.
Was I too blinded by love? Oh, let me not forget. He bought me a top and trousers. The trousers didn’t fit because of my backside.
When I asked him to help support my online business, he would say with his whole heart that he wouldn’t do it. When I asked for money, he wouldn’t give me. When I was sick and asked him for money, he would tell me to ask my sister and he would refund her, but no, he never would. Instead, he would give me the silent treatment. Then, when he was satisfied, he would start talking again. If you asked him why, his response was that he doesn’t like it when you ask him for something and he doesn’t have it to give. It annoys him. How?
Up to now, I still don’t know how he finds his way to spend my little money, but I can’t spend his. He is a senior officer with the GNFS, yet I get no girlfriend’s allowance. But well, I have been taught not to rely on men for survival.
In November of last year, he came home. His mother was seriously sick with cancer. During that time, I went through his phone. I saw a kissing video of him and a woman. Not a lady. A woman. I had anger boiling in me but kept calm until he went back to his station to confront him.
When I did, he denied everything. He said I was accusing him wrongly and he was going to curse me for it. I got confused when he said he would curse me. Then he said, “Err, do you know what I have heard about you? What I know about you? Yet I am still dating you.”
I told him he was being childish. I have my own past, I know it. Why is he throwing it at me? That wasn’t the issue. The issue was his video. I decided to let it slide for my own peace.
In December, his mother passed. We weren’t talking from December until the funeral in March. After the funeral, we reconciled. He said we should work things out. But even then, he told me I was the one making him behave that way. That I needed to change.
At that point, I got used to the silent treatments. If he decided to call, fine. If not, fine too.
He started mentioning marriage and kids. I told him I wanted to pursue my degree first. Sometimes, I barely contributed to those marital conversations. He noticed and complained. So I told him if he changed his behavior, I would give him an answer.
His response was, “You see? This is what turns me off. You are too known. You are not submissive. You always want what you want to supersede what I want.” He said he had discussed it with my mother, and if I wasn’t interested, I should tell him.
Immediately after that conversation, he went mute on me again.

Another time, I asked him for money because I needed a dress for Easter. I asked him to check for it where he was, then asked if he could buy it for me. He got angry. Said he would call me later. He never did. But I would still call, even when I knew he wouldn’t answer.

It was like that for a very long time, every month, until I ended my national service. Then somehow, my mother started screaming at me to get married. Everywhere I went in the house, it was marriage, marriage. So I said yes to this man so that they could come and do the ceremonial knocking.

When they came and I was taken to his house, I couldn’t figure out if I was happy or not. Just mixed feelings. Yet I came to live with him under the same roof.

This man has not changed. Sometimes he will give me money for food, or not. And because I do not have money of my own, I wait on his beck and call, because he asked that I not work after service and that he has a job for me. He said that in July. Right now, it is November, and there is no job.

Is There A Perfect One Out There For Everyone?

We are fighting every day, sleeping separately in our home, and have no money for food until he is happy enough to give some. When we fight, he brags about the ladies he could have married. He would mention that he got a lady pregnant but asked her to take it out because of me, and a whole lot more.

On these nights, I weep till I am exhausted by this behaviour of his. I do not know why he makes it seem like he was forced to marry a dogged woman, but he chose me out of his own free will. But I do not feel that way.

We are going back and forth again. This time around, we are on mute again in the house because I said that I want to go to my brother’s end to try my luck there because I said that I want to choose myself and focus on my education since he is not going to help me get there. If you look at it well, we do not have anything